Drama of hair color

When I stopped coloring my hair, obvious question was "why". My initial response was I am too lazy to do it consistently. There is some truth there. But that was an easy answer I came up with to avoid debates. But the truth -

I was coloring because everyone around me was doing it, I accepted it as a norm. I liked the way my hair looked the first week after coloring, did not like the way it felt. It became all wooly and lifeless. I took care to shampoo, condition and blow-dry to make it look pretty. The gray would start peaking in a week.  But I would delay coloring as much as possible because I had a genuine concern using chemicals at the frequency the norm demanded. I would tell myself that I don’t need to color frequently, as I don't have a lot of gray hair yet. But every time I looked in the mirror I cringed, the mixed gray and dark brown looked horrible against my skin in pictures. The link in my head between coloring and health issues was also making me uncomfortable. The thought of washing those chemicals into the water and contaminating the world wouldn’t go away. Many feel these are all baseless fears. But they were real for me and I wanted to respond. So much of heartache for a week of younger looking hair just wasn’t worth in my opinion. I decided to drop the idea.

That decision lead to comments.

"Looking younger keeps you happy."
"Use henna if you want to avoid chemicals."
"You deserve to look good." or as an ad goes “you are worth it!”
"When you go to a party with your husband, you don’t want him to feel ashamed of the gray in your hair."

I - in my mid-forties, don’t care much about looking younger. It did not matter to me. I tried henna and found out that most products available in market contain chemicals. Looking good doesn’t have anything to do with dyed hair. I can look good with gray hair. It actually works better for my skin. And I am "priceless" to a few with or without dyed hair. 

The last one stumped me a little. Throughout my ordeal with this issue Vikas had not made any comments for or against coloring. He is in a field where looks matter, somewhat. But as always the best thing was do to exactly what I wanted. :) 

At one point I started thinking this is my battle that I wanted to win. I was fighting for a cause - a cause to reduce the use of chemicals, a cause for freedom from things you do to fit in, a cause to save money and energy that goes into making of these products. This was a change that began at home, a change that reinforced the need to say exactly what I felt, a change to lead as natural a life as possible. J

Have I ever looked this happy and this gray before?

Happy Birthday, Chinu!

Couldn’t watch little kids squirming around as I worried one of them would fall on her. I was almost her age, but as was the norm at that time, did not know much about child-bearing, the physical and emotional magic associated with it. Life was too busy with stuff to think much about it. Then I saw you for the first time. Not everything was as I expected. Till this day I am trying to make sense of those feelings.

And then those amazing few months we spent with you. Adorable. The ease with which you adapted to a new surrounding surprised me.  On day one you felt at home, but you did not like our neighbors picking you up or talking to you. Your eyes would well up and corners of your lips would turn down ever so slightly. This was enough to get you back to the safety of your own, people just couldn't see you cry. :)

It was fun to take you everywhere, pick out the cutest boy outfits from limited collection. I still remember a white jumper suit with green and orange pattern around the neck. That was my favorite.

You slept to the sound of Roja songs playing softly on the tape recorder every single day. Still remember how your soft skin and damp hair felt when you slept after the morning bath. And that one day when you were quietly sitting on the kitchen floor devouring the mithais from a box.

So much has happened since. I have my own kids that I dote on. But you just have this special place in my heart. Happy Birthday, Chinu!

Wanderer

On a bus-stop early in the morning. Not a single soul in sight. The house across the street with smoking chimney looks serene surrounded by pine trees. It’s not raining right now but it will any minute. Breeze carries the smell of burned wood.

Reminds me of the old-style copper water heater standing in the backyard of my family home in India. A similar rainy, fresh and green morning some 30 years ago, smoke pouring out of that wood-burning water heater. My aunt is hovering around in fear of a kid forgetting to refill the container and breaking the morning cycle of a busy household. I am standing there waiting for my share of hot water, taking in the sights, sounds and smells of that small town morning, zipped back 30 years in time and thousands of miles in distance in barely a second. Such is the beauty of a mind that wanders.